Doctor Who? Dr Dre Bitch!
by DarlingDobby
Summary: Dr. Dre is having a perfectly normal day until a random ass blue box drops in and his life is turned upside down.


Doctor Who? Dr. Dre bitch!

For Dan.

Dre was chillin' by the pool, decked out in the only the finest tracksuit and his best and heaviest bling. It was incredibly hot. The honeys in the pool wondered how Dre managed to say cool with all the layers he was wearing. He responded with "Unlike SOME people I can keep my cool". They did not know who Dre was referring to. Neither did Dre.

They were listening to Dre's album, since all other music was literal trash compared to this when suddenly a whirring noise had the audacity to block out the sweet melody of 'Fuck da Police'.

Lowering his $500 Marc Jacobs shades Dre glared at the large blue police box that had landed next to his poodle, FooFoo, causing the dog to piss all over a golden lawn chair. All the honeys in the pool were scared but trusted Dr. Dre would handle the situation so they could go back to doing whatever honeys do.

Out of the box came some scrawny white dude with a chin bigger than Dre's solid gold '$WAGFAG' chain. Following him came a girl who was too dressed up to be a honey but too dressed down to be a dyke.

"Dr. Dre! You have to come with me to spread your sick beats across the universe" Said the white chocolate hershys bar. Dre looked at him for a moment before swaggering his way over. "Why dafuq should I be doing that. You gots a box that says police on it. I aint stupid nigga" Dre said glaring down at the white dude who looked back confidently. They had a moment that was gay as hell. Then it past when the honey/dyke girl spoke. "You have to come with us Mr. I mean Dr Dre. There are people out there who haven't heard your music. Think of the children"

Dre looked back at his house and his honeys and thought of the souls out there who hadn't heard his latest album. Grabbing FooFoo from where he was eating the flesh of rappers that had disrespected Dre, the legendary rapper made his way into the box, that was bigger on the inside. Dre wasn't impressed. The skinny whitedude and the honey/dyke followed him in.

"Thank you Dr. Dre, your highness, your majesty. By the way I'm the Doctor-"

"No I'm the Doctor" Dre cut the white fuckboy off. "No you see thats my name I'm the Doctor". Dre was confused. He was doctor. But so was white boy. A white Doctor. That wasn't right. Not letting the white people see his confusion Dre played it off, stroking his poodle and nodding his head to an unheard beat. Now the white people were confused. He had the upper hand.

"I'm clara!" The honey piped up. Dre thought she looked fly. "She's my companion" The Doctor added. Dre could see he was territorial. He liked that. He respected that. "We need to get my companion" Dre said, not liking how outnumbered he was. "Yes Yes of course. Where to?"

-o-

Eminem sat at his couch, eating M&M's while listening to Eminem's album and watching reruns of M&M's ads on his tv. Then a fucking blue box landed in his sitting room, destroying his yellow M&M memorabilia. He was going to get mad but then he realise he could write a rap about this. One of the yellow M&M's eyes rolled towards him saddly, it spinned twice before crashing to the floor, just like his life did in that moment.

Out of the box stepped Dr. Dre. Distracted for a moment Eminem looked up at his old mentor.

"Get in the box my nigga, we goin spread the word"

"Of God?" Shady asked looking at the bible he had burnt symbollically this morning. "No of us you dumb fuck, now get in the box before I whip yo ass" Not one to defy Dre Shady slinked into the box that was bigger on the inside. He wasn't impressed. Inside there was a white guy there with a chin bigger than his music career. Eminem scoffed at himself. Nothing was bigger than his music career. And also a girl he would like to impregnate some day then lie about ever having sex with her once the scandel hits the tabloids. They couldn't prove anything.

"Welcome to the TARDIS. I'm the Doctor-"

"No he's the Doctor" Shady said pointing at Dre. Dre who leaned down and whispered "Just nod dude, these white folks be crazy". "Good thing we're not white" Shady said, earning him a look from Dre. "Nigga you're white" Dre exclaimed hitting him on the arm. "Not in my soul tho" Eminem said, staring off into the abyss.

Done with Shady's crazy shit Dre sat in the chair that had magically formed. It wasn't solid gold but it would have to do for now.

"So.. shall we get going?" The Doctor said pressing some random ass buttons. Dre gave a nod of approval before settling back. It was going to be a long day.


End file.
